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(no subject) [Jan. 1st, 2007|05:44 am]
It's almost 6A.M.
I can't sleep.
I can never sleep anymore.
There's a lot of things I never seem to do anymore.

So it's the first day of 2007.
I think I'm supposed to have some sort of 'resolution' or whatever that bullshit is.
Guess what?
I'm not having a resolution.
Resolutions are fucking stupid.

Holy shit.
This is the year I graduate.

I feel more depressed than I have ever felt in my life.
The reasons to leave my house become fewer every day.
I don't care about anything.
I don't want to feel like this.
Make it stop.
Please make it fucking stop.
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(no subject) [Dec. 21st, 2006|01:12 pm]
I love my friends.

New and old.
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(no subject) [Nov. 21st, 2006|09:58 pm]
I have a hard time believing I'll ever be happy.
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(no subject) [Oct. 13th, 2006|01:33 am]
spin the bottle with MAH at warped tour
that was fun
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(no subject) [Oct. 3rd, 2006|08:25 pm]
The bad days keep piling up. 
High higher highest.
 I find safety in my comforter, beneath the blankets that cover my existence. My sad sorry excuse of existence. I'm just a sketch of what I used to be, fading fast. 
Fast, faster, fastest.
 I'm running out of those small orange pills that I use for fuel and I'm scared. My cheeks are damp and 
I'm fucking scared
I'm scared for the days when it hurts, the days when I can feel. I like being numb. I like clenching my teeth as if I'm holding the pain right there between my molars. I like hurting physically as if it eases my mind. I like pretending that one day things will be different. Yes indeed, one day things will be different. One day I will wake up with a clear mind. The room will be bright, with the sunlight streaming in. My feet won't be cold as they touch the wood floors and I will wear a little cotton nightgown. I will sit on the counter eating cereal and look out the window at the perfectly colored green grass. 
I will be happy. I will be happy. I will be happy. 
But I know this scenario. I know that the floor will be cold, the nightgown wrinkled, the cereal stale, and that there will be a dog shitting in the grass. I will be tired, just like always. I will be tired, and I will be scared. My cheeks will be damp, and 
I will be fucking scared.
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(no subject) [Sep. 20th, 2006|09:33 pm]
I'm ridiculously sick of school.
I'd like to graduate now.

It seems like I have so much work until then.
Applications, scholarship stuff, choosing a school, etc.

I think the most random people are cute these days.
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(no subject) [Aug. 5th, 2006|12:55 pm]

the lead singer of chiodos is a douche bag

but being guestlisted was nice


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(no subject) [May. 21st, 2006|08:22 pm]

The thought of living in NYC makes me feel

Kind of like the way adderall makes me feel.

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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2006|11:24 am]

I have no motivation.
For anything.

I hate when I go through these phases.
I don't want to go out anymore.
I don't like partying all that much.
I just like hanging in small groups.
It's weird.

I'm ready to graduate, but I have a whole year.
I'm tired of being a teenager.

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(no subject) [Apr. 23rd, 2006|06:34 pm]

I love you.
And I love you.
Also I love you.
As well I love you.
Can't forget that I love you too.

I don't even have to put names.
These five should just know it.

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